Crappy day

For a day that started out on the quiet side, it's flown in a downhill direction.
My EvilAunt was a witch today, completely critical and honestly, I'm just sick
of being taken for granted. I do the things there that no one else wants to deal with
and it's never enough. From someone who barely visits once a month, I
don't think I need to listen to the b.s.
On top of that, my baby brother was sentenced yesterday and it made the paper
in a nice, big article. He's been sitting in the county lockup waiting for sentencing
and took a plea deal. He was sentenced to 11 months in prison, with the max possibility
of 12 months so he almost got the whole deal. The judge is giving him credit for time served,
but I'm not sure if that's time served from the date the plea deal was accepted or if that's
the whole time he was in county jail. We haven't a clue which prison he's being sent to and
no one seems to be willing to share that info.
My mother and I had a screaming match tonight because she feels that I'm not on my
brother's side, that I'm taking his ex-gf's side and really, the only side I'm on is my nieces'.
It totally pissed me off because I've literally spent my entire life in a position in my family
where I'm the peacekeeper, the mediator, the one who strives to keep us on an even keel
when everyone else is having tantrums. And for my mother to accuse me of being "the enemy"...
I went off the deep end. We got off the phone and I went to Hubby to vent, in tears. I needed
him to listen, I needed him to just BE there...and we ended up in an argument too because
he feels I shouldn't let this all impact me so deeply. What he doesn't understand is that mixed
into all of this other mess is the image in my head of my baby brother walking into prison, not as the strapping 26 yr old that he is, but as the small kindergartener he remains in my head. This baby brother that I practically raised, this little boy that I helped potty train, this ornery blond kiddo is walking into prison and I know that the tender parts of him, the really, truly good parts of him are going to be broken up and hidden away and I don't know if we'll ever see them again.
So I cried and vented and then shut up because apparently I'm not allowed to have feelings.
And then I started the shower and crawled under the spray and cried where no one could tell me I couldn't.
I know, in my heart, that he needs to face the music on the bad choices he's made. I believe that with all of my heart. I just mourn what could have been and what may not be because of those choices. He needs to stop doing what he's doing and maybe this will do it...maybe.
I can't talk to my mom right now, maybe not for awhile. I'm so angry. And hurt. She's coming from a place that's so twisted and unhealthy and while I understand it, I can't even come close to agreeing with her. Love your son? Yes. Bury your head in the sand and blame everyone else for his issues? No.
Tough day. Please let today be better.