Wistful

I miss kissing. My husband and I don't kiss, at least nothing more than the occasional peck.
We used to. When we first met, we made out like teenagers. I have always loved kissing and it's one of my favorite versions of foreplay.
For assorted reasons, it's just not something we do anymore.
In June, we reach our 10th anniversary. Ten years of marriage and honestly, I haven't had a decent kiss in over 8 years.
So yes, I miss kissing.
More than that, I think I miss the intimacy of kissing. Or maybe I just miss intimacy, period.
There's none in this relationship. We sleep together, we have sex.
I can't remember the last time we really connected during sex. He tries to do things that feel good to me but I think it's just too late for that. Too much water under the bridge, I think.
His affairs combined with his attitudes about sex...I just can't open up to him anymore and honestly, I don't think he REALLY wants me to. He just wants to make sure he appears to.
Being in a marriage and being so lonely sucks. I have days where I fantasize about intimacy and being close to someone. Not sex, mind you, but cuddling, holding hands, kissing...
I'm lonely. I miss feeling close to someone, someone who cares about ME, cherishes ME.
I don't feel that way with him.
Some of it is a basic disconnection of emotion after his affair. Some of it is a result of the things he's wanted me to do sexually to fulfill his wants and needs. There has been such degradation and a definite lack of care for my feelings...
and it's ruined what we had.
I don't feel like there's respect going both ways in this marriage. For so long, he completely disregarded my feelings, wants and needs but I'm supposed to believe that's all changed now and I don't think I can. We went through marriage counseling for over a year and he's no different now than he was then, so how CAN I believe it's changed?
It makes me sad.