The shoe dropped

As expected, the other shoe did, indeed, drop.
We had an argument every day for over a week straight. He called off work three days in a row. Day #1 I didn't even know about until he showed up nearly 45 minutes after he left. He came in, showed me where he'd rigged the blinds in the bedroom so he could see in from the outside, and explained that he thought I was cheating on him so was going to park at the church up the street and come spy on me, to try and catch me.
*sigh* I've never cheated on him, not once. Not even close. This blew me away.
Day #2 he went but ended up coming home 2 hrs later because he got in a screaming match with his supervisor about a senority issue.
Day #3 he went to the ER for a stye (A STYE!!!) and asked the ER doc to write him off.
He got his ass (and put our family in a whole lot of jeopardy) in a tight spot, to the degree that we weren't sure if he was going to lose his job or not.
At this point, it sounds like he's going to end up with a total of 4 pts (earning 2 in addition to the 2 he already had). This puts him in the hotseat if there's any talk of layoff again. He was already there due to where he falls in the senority ladder but this makes it worse because of his work ethic. He's had quality issues lately too. I literally don't know what he was thinking. I don't know how he could do this. His job is the main money coming in to our home. I take care of the rent and have a little extra coming in with my cleaning jobs and child support but his takes care of the brunt of the bills. How could he put that in danger???
I don't know that I'll ever understand. I don't know him anymore.
I went to the doc on Friday and she's prescribed antidepressants. I don't really want to take them but have to be honest and say that I do know I have some depression kicking. I try really hard not to get mired down in it but there's only so much I can do.
So I start Effexor tomorrow. I've done some reading about it on the 'Net and feel fairly confident that I know what I'm dealing with. Keeping my fingers crossed that this helps me head into a better space.
I've been putting apps in, at least as many as I can in this dying little town. I've spent quite a bit of time lately, seriously considering moving but I worry about uprooting the boys from the school system they've spent their entire lives at. I worry about taking them away from their friends. I worry about the stability they're going to need, when other things in their lives are tossed into turmoil. I'm going to try to stick it out as much as possible but I can't guarantee that it will stay possible.
I cleaned out all personal items from the van because he'll take that with him and honestly, I can't say that the next time we have a big old bad fight and he threatens to leave, that I won't tell him to just go ahead. I'm that tired of the fighting and the issues.
He woke up the other morning and is acting all happy again. I believe, now more than ever, that he's either on drugs or bipolar or both. There's no other explanation for his behavior. You don't go for a week straight being hyper critical and picking fights with all of us, yelling at every little thing until you have your wife literally throwing-up-upset and then turn up one morning all rainbows and sunshine without having one or both of those situations kicking. I just can't believe otherwise.
I recognize the instability there, can see how he manipulates and uses emotional terrorism here. I recognize the emotional and mental abuse, the verbal abuse, the controlling behaviors.
I see them for what they are and I know that I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I'm nearing 35 and I deserve some peace.
The turning point? The week he was gone to Texas visiting his son. It was so peaceful, so nice not to walk on eggshells and that's what I want but will never have with him.
Enough. Is. Enough.
Now it's just a matter of maintaining, finding a job, getting a car in the works (or a job within walking distance) and reclaiming my life. It might take a bit but that's my plan.
Step One: recognition and game plan.