bad night

Today was going so well. I'd gotten the things accomplished that I needed to, had picked up a couple of things I needed for Scouts tonight. Then I get this text message from my husband, asking where I was.
Apparently, he'd wanted to go to his pal's house tonight. I hadn't a clue, because he didn't mention it to me at all. I get home from picking up the boys and finishing up the errands I needed to run and he was fuming. Pissed is a better word.
And that sent my entire evening into a downward spiral. Because he was unhappy, everyone else was going to be as well. He doesn't ever acknowledge his own screw ups but damned if he doesn't point out everyone else's.
Not once would he admit tonight that if he wanted to do something, he should have said something. Instead, it was all my fault: I intuit things for the boys and therefore should treat him the same (a breath after he screamed at me for "treating him like one of the boys"), I'm always too busy doing things for PTO/Scouts/Tennis/The Boys that I don't EVER think of him, etc. etc. etc.
In his view, tonight, I'm a lousy wife. Why he even bothers to come home from work is a mystery to him. He has no Life and it's all my fault, because I hold him back from doing everything he wants to do, except work, work and more work. He threatened numerous times to walk, got in my face and screamed with veins popping out in his neck, spittle flying...
and yet I'm the cause of all our stress. As the evening progressed, he felt I'd screwed up by making him eat leftovers, hadn't washed the shirt he wanted to wear (even though he has about 30 tshirts to choose from and could have worn any of the others or TOLD ME that he wanted to wear this one), bothered him while he was watching the Cavs and then packed the wrong things for his lunch. I left for Scouts, came home and it was more of the same.
I'm so tired. The Smart Girl in me knows this is emotional abuse, that he can't take responsibility for his own actions and so he blames everyone around him for the results. The Smart Girl in me says this is ridiculous, that I'm married to a 2 yr old who, when he doesn't get his way, stomps his feet and throws his tantrums. The Smart Girl in me also knows that I have no job, no way to support my kids and is terrified to tell him to hit the road because she doesn't know what she'll do.
No car. No job. Those two things keep playing Ring Around The Rosie in my head because without one, I have trouble with another, and vice versa. If he leaves, he takes the van with him because it's technically in his mother's name. I'm so fucked.
Finally managed to file our taxes last week and we're getting a whopping $2000 if we're lucky, after the IRS and Child Support takes their chunks. The original return was nearly $6000.
I half-jokingly told him I need a job and we need a divorce so that I can get a real tax return.
I think he thought I was REALLY joking. I wasn't honestly joking at all. I'm tired of having money I should be getting for MY sons going to HIS debts. It's making me resentful as hell.
In reality, I keep asking myself how much more of this crap I'm going to take before I either have a mental breakdown, kill myself or kill him.
It's just bizarre because all weekend long, he was lovey dovey, sending me texts telling me he loved me, cuddly and affectionate and then today it was a shitstorm.
Because I didn't tell him I was going to pick up a couple of things after the boys got off school.
The absolute worst part of all this is that my boys get to sit and hear this crap.
I hate fighting but I hate even more that they have to listen to the fighting. And nothing I do makes him stop or calm down or rational.
I just needed to unload this, let it out of my head. I don't have anyone to talk to and if I keep stuffing this down, it's going to kill me.
Reminder to myself: I really AM better than this. I deserve better.
I'm living with Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde.